It started out innocently enough, or so I thought. I had no idea how addicting it would become. I just wanted to try it…once; that’s all. It wouldn’t hurt just to try it. I really didn’t understand all there was to it. I saw my family and friends using it so I thought, “Hey, if they could do it, so could I”. I justified my want. It didn’t become my NEED until later. I asked for it for my birthday in 2007.
Ask and you shall receive.
I think that my husband wanted to try it as well. And the first time? It was in Las Vegas of all places! Thank goodness that my son and daughter-in-law were there with me to help me that very first couple of times. Bob didn’t have a clue on how to use it either. I was so naïve. They said to ‘experiment’ with it and I’d get the hang of it. So I did just that. I experimented and I got deeper into it. I had to call my son a few times to come over and help me. I felt that I was in too deep and he needed to grab my hand and let me know that I was ok.
It became something I used everyday. Several times a day. And then Bob would come home and find me using. I spent so much money on it but that was nothing until, after a few glasses of wine, Bob tried it. And we spent, spent, spent like there was no tomorrow. One night alone we spent over $100 on it. ‘Using’ everyday made me feel so good. I sang when I used. I tapped my toes. I chair-danced using. It became my new normal.
Then we heard about a new product. One of Bob’s friends started using it. It was so cool, this new ‘product’. I’d only seen it on Internet sites. Could this be my new high? I just wanted to try it. Once.
What could it hurt?
$200.00 later, I knew. I knew I had to have it. I used it again and in front of Bob. I showed him how cool it was and he then became as hooked as I was. I stayed at this level of dependency for a few years. I used it daily as did Bob and my children. Yes, they got hooked on it as well. I looked back at my initial usage and had to laugh. I had become quite blaze’ about how I used in public. “Oh, this? Yes, it’s all mine.” I never covered it up like so many others did. I was out and I was proud with my addiction.
But I just wasn’t getting all that I knew I could if I just got something more. Something bigger. Something that would really give me a kick. It would be something that would keep me happy for years to come. I kept telling Bob that I needed it. That what I had was crap and I was tired of not getting enjoyment out of it anymore. He saw what it did to me if I picked up something bad. How sick it made me. I became depressed. Finally, he saw it for what it was. My addiction was overtaking my common sense. Or was it?
If it made me feel good and it made my life easier, what harm would it do to me? In fact, he mused, that perhaps, in time, we would all change our thinking on this. He was slowly coming around to my way of thinking, at least. He gave me the go ahead and we went to find a dealer. I told them exactly what I wanted. The dealer said, “Sure, no problem. I know what you want and we carry the ‘merchandise’ .”
And then he broke my heart.
You see, what I wanted, he didn’t have in stock, his superior explained to us later. I almost cried. It was so close that I could almost touch it. I wanted that bag with my goodies in it. It was a sad drive back home. I pondered and argued with myself.
“Really, do you need this or want this?”
Both, really. If truth be told.
I got on the Internet and found where I could buy my new fix. I waited and waited until the day came and FedEx knocked on my door. I looked around the area before I opened it. What if my neighbors saw this? What would they think of me? I didn’t care….I tore it open and, as only a mainliner would do, I jumped in and never looked back.
My addiction gives me such a high. I’m still learning just how much I can use on a daily basis without blowing my mind out. I’ve seen galaxies and beautiful stars here. I’ve seen the faces of my loved ones and ones that have passed on. It gives me a creative river I thought I’d stopped visiting many years ago.
But wait, there’s more!
Because Bob saw me in such a happy place, he did what I didn’t expect him to do. On the anniversary of my first hit, he gave me a way to take it with me when we travel. So today, I am never without my craving. I have it with me all day long and in many forms.
Apple is my drug of choice and Steve Jobs is my dealer.
For the beginner
This is for when you really want to get deep into it and I only use this at home:
And my new baby…