The following is a posting from a very dear friend, Farie.
Last Saturday, my husband and I went to our daughter’s basketball game at a Community Children’s Program. Lots of kiddos, everywhere… and noise. Children crying, parents cheering or admonishing, whistles whistling and shoes sqeaking. However, it is amazing the things that can stand out amongst all that chaos…and that’s when I heard the voice…
It has been nearly 10 years since I last ran into him, and I was a bit shocked at how he looked.
Not terrible, but I would say he now resembles Alec Baldwin. You know, the celebrity best know for his nasty divorce from Kim Basinger and his abusive language toward his daughter? I thought he was very handsome during the late 80’s, early 90’s, but I think most people would probaby agree that he hasn’t aged well. I will save you from any further catty comments, but it certainly made me really start thinking. Not just about how he looks or how he’d changed, but actually the other way around.
Initially, my first thought was, ” My Lord, I hope I don’t look as bad to him, as he looks to me!” But in all fairness, both of us have been well-fed, okay, clearly overfed. And, I have to give credit to the fact that even with his additional insulation, he was willing and able to shoot a few hoops with his very tall and beautiful daughter. I could probably do that, but why? I was working on the house menu for the next 3 weeks.
Then I thought about my skin. Sure I have a few wrinkles, but the fatty deposits fill them out pretty well. Thank goodness I put that extra layer of Oil of Olay on. Not the cheap stuff, either.
I was relieved that I had worn a nice outfit and had done my hair and makeup properly. Jeez, can you imagine the self-abuse that I would be dishing out to myself if I hadn’t looked my best?! Good thing I changed out of my pink Remington (yes, rifle) hoodie.
All kidding aside, though, serious thoughts came to mind about what a different person I have become in the 16 years since we went our separate ways.
Today, in so many ways, I am the antithesis of the woman I was back then. Back then, my middle name was Doormat. I was nearly spineless, without the ability to speak up for myself. Fearful. I lettered in conflict avoidance.
I was also an emotional wreck, although much of the time, I wasn’t aware of it. Frequently, my free time was spent avoiding the painful truth, which involved a lot of wasted time daydreaming. I am not sure what level of reality I really lived in. Escapism was my friend.
Today, I can stand before you and say that I am proud of who I have become, due in large part to going through that less than perfect relationship.
Not only do I have a spine, but I recognize the importance of being able to communicate without fear, even if the subject matter is uncomfortable.
Emotionally, I have become a rock, not because I am my own rock, but because the Rock I lean on isn’t my mate, it’s my Maker. Today, the only daydreaming I do is about what it would be like to be a size 8 again. My reality is amazingly wonderful, warts and all. I feel no need to escape from it.
I think the biggest realization of all of this is that, today, neither of us would be attracted to one another.
I am perfectly happy with myself as I am. My wish for him is that he can say the same.